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entertaining u newspaper: your monthly guide to entertainment
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The Jock by Tom Weppel
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by Michael Solis
Michael Solis is a trainer, gym owner, and general high achiever that was repulsed by the apathetic approach that was advocated in last week’s article ‘get fit in 08.’ Had we at EU known that someone with such a robust physique was both literate and capable, we certainly would have asked him to write the piece in the first place. After all, most of us at EU are fat and lazy! But his advice was just so heavy-handed and accurate, we felt we should share it with everyone. So start filling your barrels with sand, it’s going to be a bitch of a week!
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Chew gum and burn 11 calories? Fidget? Tap your fingers? Carry a basket? I am aware of the circuitous approach that most people in a morbidly obese society take in order to avoid the expenditure of energy, but to actually accommodate the lethargy is even more obscene.
My advice is that if mediocrity is your goal then you should certainly follow the mediocre prescription. However, will a person who chews gum, carries a basket, gets a dog, and performs the other low-energy output tasks truly be considered fit? The answer is no. We, in the crossfit community, know that energy and effort are directly proportional to fitness, achievement, and general success in life. It is true that most people take the path of least resistance and a little effort on your part will go a long way. A lot of effort will land you on top of any endeavor. We all can’t be winners or high achievers but we owe it to our children and others who may be influenced by our behavior and ideas to cultivate a sense of pride and progress.
We crossfitters are good examples, that is, products of our effort and reapers of the seeds we sow. We have cut the proverbial fat from the usual haphazard approach to getting fit, dissected the material, and found the truth. The good news is that it is very simple, that is, it requires little to no money, nor advanced scientific knowledge. The bad news is that it requires effort. The results however are directly proportional. You have to ask yourself if getting fit or anything in life is worth the effort. Is feeling like a superhero worth having to single-handedly produce enough energy to power a small town? It is for some people. Most of them are professional athletes. The others are crossfitters and our advice is nothing less than extreme.
These are our low-cost suggestions.
Instead of just going for a walk, fill up a backpack with sand-filled bottles or lead ingots and march like a hungry soldier.
If you are the gambling type then get a deck of cards, shuffle them, draw from the top, and do the corresponding amount of push-ups. Also, do it with sit-ups and air squats.
Don’t just take the stairs. Sprint to the top and continue until you feel sick.
Find a barrel or keg, fill it with sand and motivation; lift it over your head as many times as you can.
Find pull up bars or a jungle gym. Do hundreds of pull-ups until your lats grow into wings.
Find a wall and do hand stand push-ups until you can walk on your hands.
Bear crawl down the beach for one mile as fast as you can. Watch how feelings of envy strike the peanut gallery dead.
Finally, go to crossfit.com and begin your training as a new, improved and, most importantly, fit human being.
The attributes and approaches we bring to the gym, field, ring, or wherever we train, fight, or compete are the same that follow us in our daily lives, work, and family relationships. Effort, energy, enthusiasm, and courage are the pillars to washing our hands of mediocrity and living a life rich in personal and professional accomplishment. If your health isn’t important then what is?
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