By Troy Spurlin
So you are suddenly single, you thought she was the one, you planned on spending your life together, then bam! – she is hauling all the “good” stuff away – stuff you liked, stuff that was cool, stuff that made you look like you had your shit together and when you really think about it – it was all the expensive stuff. That Bitch!
Now your place is empty except for that kick-ass flat screen, your iPod, the ol’ trusty mac, and the chair and sports memorabilia she never liked. No fear my brothers; it’s 2008 and the bachelor pad is back! You know the one I’m talking about – Sinatra had one, Heff had one, and now it’s your turn. Don’t let your mind wander to that over-the-top pad that Austin Powers shagged in – no, this place is far cooler. Think AMC’s Mad Men.
So, fix a Ketel One martini on the rocks with three olives, tune into David Luckin’s Electro-Lounge and let me do all the work. I am going to tell you what to buy, where to buy it (yeah, here in Jacksonville), and where to put it. And dude, we’re not going to drop a lot of coin - we are going to do it cheap (inexpensive - for you positive thinking gents).
Let’s start with the first room she’ll see when she walks in your door. I know what you’re thinking – how do I get her there? A little hint - opening night at MOCA. After all, we want her to think you are hip – and quite frankly, opening nights at MOCA are hip. There are three a year – don’t be the lame freebie guy that waits for ArtWalk.
So, if you haven’t already, take everything out of the main room (everything off the walls too, dude). Is the floor clean? Sweep it, vacuum it, mop it (if you don’t have a mop – get an old towel – hell, use the ones you have – we’ll be getting new ones soon) cause we are about to lay down your “other” bed if you catch my drift. Girls like it big, thick, clean, and soft (we’re talking rugs brother) and as far as I am concerned, just like the ad says –“Lowe’s knows.” Yeah, good ol’ Lowe’s –they have two items we are going to use in our pad.
First up: “Wooly Booly.” It’s not a special order, you don’t need a friend to help you carry it, and it comes in every size. I have the 4 x 6 in front of my computer desk and the “Daddy” 8 x 10 kicks ass in my living room. It’s off–white, I know what you’re thinking, “Off-white? Dude, no way!” But just shut up – I’m trying to get you laid. The 8 x 10 was 300 bucks – looks like a thousand (yeah, people pay that and more for rugs). Regardless, I spilled a glass of red wine and a plate of spaghetti and it cleaned up with Windex and some paper towels – so there ya go, Mr. Doubting Thomas, Off-White-Rug-Hater. Besides, when she wants to lie down on it you will be thanking me – and trust me – she will want to lie down on it. Wooly Booly, dude, Wooly. Booly.
“Notes from the Bachelor Pad” is a continuing article courtesy of troyspurlin INTERIORS. Spurlin has worked for interior decorator Joe Nye in Los Angeles and while employed at MOCA Jacksonville sidelined doing exterior and interior work throughout Jacksonville.Find him online at troyspurlin.com.
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