by Troy Spurlin
So, whether you sip gin n’ juice, a tall boy or a martini, you need a place to set it down. We aren’t going to continue cleaning up kicked-over drinks—that’s just prehistoric. What we need is an awesome coffee table! I could easily direct you to Design Within Reach, BoConcept, or our new West Elm at the Town Center, but in this recession (Republican economy – is that better?), who can afford one? So instead, we are going to create one. And it’s easy!
Find a box you like that is about 30” x 30” square (no rectangles, man – it’s gotta’ be a square) and no higher than 14” high (we want it low, it’s the perfect height for sitting on the floor to eat). If you can make one, that’s even better. If your old man didn’t bother to teach you, teach yourself! Not being my own best student, I bought mine.
My box is made with 1 x 4 framing that is covered in plywood and finished with sheets of chrome laminate (cost: 30 bucks at the Salvation Army on Beach) and it is beggin’ for a dancer (yeah – she’s sturdy). But you can cover your box in whatever you like. Could be paint, could be rubber, or it could be sheet metal. You get the idea, get creative (c’mon man, Bush is only in office 8 more months) and apply whatever your budget can afford. Hell, the wood itself (with 4 coats of Polyurethane) would be really cool. For a “right now” look, just do a box frame with no overlay, it’s sooo very minimal.
But wait, we aren’t done, that box is not our coffee table. We need a piece of glass. A long, thick, big-ass piece of glass that is approximately 4-feet wide by 6-feet in length. “I can’t afford a custom cut piece of glass that big!,” you say. Well, we ain’t buying “custom”, we are buying a glass table top from the thrift store (every single thrift store around town has a glass table top that you can find for about $50 – we don’t care what the table looks like). That is what I paid for mine at the Hubbard House Thrift Store on Beach Boulevard in St. Nicholas (it’s a little dirty in there but they get cool stuff). Oh, and I left the table base there. There’s no shame in my game. Besides, another customer may be looking for just a base – it’ll be their lucky day. So see, everything works out. As my ole Italian buddy would have said, “That’s nice-nice.”
Now lay the glass on top of the box and you have an awesome coffee table. It’s big. You can lay out 3 Domino’s XL Boxes and not have to relocate all the other party favors. But you know what the real secret is? The real beauty of this piece? Why this piece is so perfectly right for our pad? Because if you have chosen a proper box and a proper piece of glass, it will withstand the weight of two partygoers enjoying the party.
“Wooly Bully” has finally gotten some box.
And now it’s your turn. But wait, before you head out the door, did you trim your nose hair? Ear hair? How ‘bout those bushy-ass ‘brows? And since you got the clippers goin’, you might wanna’ head south. Seriously brother, “manscaping” is a neccessity in 2008.
Now... go get that box!
Article Published in the 03-08 Issue of EU Jacksonville
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