by jon bosworth jaxvillain@yahoo.com
C+ Rated R 90 Minutes
The sneak preview of funnyman Will Ferrell’s new movie, Semi-Pro, at the AMC Theater in Regency was a bizaro sort of Jacksonville World Premiere. It was like the Megabowl Championship of Jacksonville sneak previews (more explanation on that term in a minute).
At 6’ 2 and 240 pounds, I rarely feel small in a room, much less a movie theater with stadium seating, but Monday night’s premiere was an unusual crowd. The average height in the fourth row was probably 6’ 6, the tallest of whom was 7’2 retired professional basketball player Artis Gilmore. This is interesting for two reasons.
Artis Gilmore played basketball for Jacksonville University and became a college star by leading the JU Dolphins to the NCAA title game. From 1967 until 1976 there was another basketball league called the American Basketball League (this may not be new information to you, but it was to me). In 1976 Jacksonville’s Artis Gilmore played for the Kentucky Colonels, an ABA team that wasn’t absorbed by the NBA during the merger in 1976.
The reason all of this matters is because Semi-Pro is about the Flint Michigan Tropics, a fictional ABA team destined for doom when the NBA merges with the ABA. Now I’m not saying that the film is based on a true story, because sometimes truth could never be as strange as fiction, especially when the fiction comes from the comedic tenure of Scot Armstrong (Old School, Starsky & Hutch) and is then filtered through the deranged stylings of Will Ferrell. But Semi-Pro is about a Midwestern ABA team struggling to not be dissolved, as the Kentucky Colonels were.
The thing about the Michigan Tropics that reality could never provide is their team owner, Jackie Moon. He is more than just the man with the hit disco song ‘Love Me Sexy,’ he is also the head coach and star forward of the fledgling team. From the jump to the halftime show, Will Ferrell’s Jackie Moon is always trying to please his fans.
Their team slogan:
“What’s ELE stand for? Everybody Love Everybody, that’s right!” Jackie Moon screams at the team in their groovy travel bus. They are bickering about the addition of former NBA player Monix (Woody Harrelson) who was traded from the NBA for a washing machine.
Getting Monix is Jackie Moon’s last hope to make the Flint Tropics get enough people in the stands to win the Megabowl Championship and make their team one of the four teams that the NBA absorbs. And so the plot is set in motion. The Flint Tropics are the underdogs but with the know-how of Monix, the flashy halftime shows of Jackie Moon, and the fierce talent of Clarence “Coffee” Black (Andre Benjamin), whose dream it is to play in the NBA (particularly the San Antonio Spurs), they are the underdogs that will do what it takes.
The other interesting thing about Artis Gilmore and his row of extraordinarily tall people is that he was actually in the film, although his scene didn’t make the final cut. So for Artis, this was his Hollywood debut and he was able to enjoy it with his former JU basketball coach, family and friends, some of which I’m sure were teammates.
“What amazed me was the tedious time it took to shoot these scenes. It’s amazing the amount of time and effort that go into these productions. They work hard,” Artis said down to me as his enormous hands engulfed mine in a friendly handshake.
And the tedium showed through in the final product. Elf executive producer Kent Alterman makes his directorial debut with this film, and it shows. Will Ferrell does bring a degree of comedy to each and every gesture he offers up on film, but the character of Jackie Moon was better delivered through Super Bowl Old Spice and beer commercials than through the clumsy pacing and awkward comedic timing featured in this offering.
That’s not to say it’s without laughs. When Will Ferrell puts on his gym socks it’s just as hilarious as his NASCAR coveralls or figure skating tights. And the disco element added plenty of places to giggle at the era. The bar where they all hung out in Flint, Michigan in 1976 was called The Kremlin, they passed time in the locker room playing Pong, and sports commentator Dick Pepperfield states firmly over a game of poker, “I am not a porn machine!” So yes, the laughs are definitely in there, but they weren’t as easy to get to as in other Ferrell vehicles.
Semi-Pro also falls into the classic trap of getting too bogged down with emotions in the middle. Monix has to learn something about himself. Coffee Black has to learn to play in a team, and they all have to pull it together to win what Jackie Moon, the master promoter, dubbed the Megabowl (winner of the Megabowl is in fourth place in the ABA). And it all comes down to Coffee Black. He can follow his dream and go to the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs or he can stick it out with the Flint Michigan Tropics, even if it means giving up the NBA for good.
Of the hundreds of players in the ABA, only 25 became prominent players in the NBA, and Artis Gilmore was the real-life first pick of the Chicago Bulls after the ABA dispersed. He then went on to play for the San Antonio Spurs. I couldn’t help but wonder how much of Artis’ own story the filmmakers knew.
“We got to spend some time with Will and Andre. In the wardrobe room there were some funny moments,” laughed Artis recollecting days on the set of Semi-Pro, but not confessing to be the basis for any of the characters.
Other funny actors in the film are Andy Richter, Will Arnett, Andrew Daly, Rob Cordry, Tim Meadows, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, Ed Helms and Patti Labelle. This movie is a perfect time-killer on DVD during a weekend rainstorm. Invite your friends over, crack open some beers and you’re certain to laugh. But if you’re going to see it in the theater, remember not to be critical and bring the friends that laugh at anything.
Article Published in the 03-08 Issue of EU Jacksonville
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