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by kellie abrahamson kabrahamson1@aol.com
The idea of a massive crocodile with a taste for human blood sounds like something straight out of Hollywood. In truth, a monster croc named Gustave lives and hunts in Burundi, Africa and it’s been said that he’s taken the lives of over 200 people. In true Hollywood form, a CGI version of Gustave made his big screen debut earlier this year in the film Primeval. The modern-day monster movie is now available on DVD.
Tim Manfrey (Dominic Purcell) is a cynical broadcast journalist who is forced to cover a story about an African killer croc with his trusty cameraman Steven (Orlando Jones) and pretty young reporter Aviva Masters (Brooke Langton). While Aviva, who’s used to churning out animal fluff pieces, is excited to cover something more dangerous, Tim is more interested in using the assignment as an excuse to do a story about Burundi’s raging civil war. The three city-slickers head to Africa and meet up with a crocodile hunter who plans on taking the animal alive and a hard-bitten guide who has a better idea of what to do with old Gustave, like blow him up with grenades. The team sets off to capture the beast and soon finds that the killer croc has other plans. If that’s not bad enough, the brutal warlord who rules the area, and has dubbed himself “Little Gustave,” is going around killing people and Steven captures it all on tape. Little Gustave, of course, finds out about the video and begins hunting down the intrepid reporters.
The Primeval DVD has just a couple of extras. First is a look at the CGI used to create Gustave entitled “Croc-umentary: Bringing Gustave to Life.” Here, the filmmakers and crew members (none of whom are named, strangely) discuss the film’s real-life origins and pat themselves on the back for making their CGI croc “look so real.” Next are 5½ minutes of deleted scenes. Here, director Michael Katleman and visual effects supervisor Paul Linden talk about why the scenes were cut as they play. Unlike most releases, the commentary is not optional. Finally, Katleman and Linden talk about the production process and why they think the film is good in a feature-length audio commentary track.
A few years ago, back when we were broke and didn’t have cable, my husband and I were flipping through the 6 channels we had and came across a documentary on PBS called “Capturing the Killer Croc.” It was about Gustave and a team’s attempts to capture it alive to keep it from devouring more villagers. The beast was never caught by the team who made “Capturing the Killer Croc,” a misnomer to be sure, and Gustave continues to hunt in the region to this day. Measuring at around 21 feet long and weighing over one ton, the crocodile is a living legend and a nightmare to those who live along the banks of Lake Tanganyika. Primeval, which seems to crib a lot from the PBS documentary, has something in common with the monster crocodile: it strikes fear in the hearts of movie-goers. You see, they’re afraid that if a movie this monumentally bad got made, what ghastly dreck could be on the horizon?
Right away, you can tell this movie isn’t going to be pretty. The characters are immediately introduced as cookie-cutter stereotypes: Tim is the hero, Aviva is the damsel in distress and Steven is the funny, but ill-fated sidekick. Overacting abounds in Langton, who successfully masters the art of looking scared and screaming and nothing else. Purcell is a bit better but not by much. Stone-faced expressions and wooden deliveries make him about as interesting as the tree in the background. He’s an attractive tree, but a fruitless one. Jones, too, is one note. His acting is the best of the bunch; he seems much more adept in front of the camera; but his character is nothing more than mediocre one-liners.
As if the acting and the character development weren’t enough, the “Big Bad” in the film, Gustave, was so poorly animated that he was more amusing than scary. In fact, I found myself erupting in laughter when, toward the climax, the hokey CGI crocodile began bounding through the plains like a puppy while in pursuit of his prey. I actually rewound the scene so I could watch it again, it was that ridiculous. What’s worse is the person he was chasing was someone the audience should have cared about but, because of the silly effects, couldn’t.
Not good enough to be a Jaws and not campy enough to be a Snakes on a Plane, Primeval fails to elicit more than a groan and a giggle. In fact, it just fails. Save your time, money and brain cells and skip this one.
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