by the eu professional drinkers
Nothing says that you are a classy person that is really worth courting quite like grinding up against a stranger while his pal takes an upskirt shot of your too-short skirt to post on the Internet. You should go out to booty bars, because that’s where real love is lurking, waiting to get you into his expensive car, and out of your itty bitty clothes. None of these places promote date-rape, but anytime some dude in a ballcap and jeans wants to dance with his leg in your crotch, there are only so many ways that can end. We went to some booty bars to help you stay informed. We didn’t want to, these places just aren’t our scene. We hate cover charges if there isn’t a band. But if it helps you out, we’ll go sip some overpriced cocktails. That’s how much we care about you.
Address or Directions: Jacksonville Landing Downtown
Type of Place: Night Club
Serving: Full liquor bar with plenty of tasty eye candy
Amenities: 22,000 square feet of booty shaking room, state-of-the-art light and sound systems and a cozy and decadent VIP section.
Drink Specials: Thursdays: Jazzy Thursdays with free drinks and admission for the ladies 9 to 12, Friday Happy Hour: $2 Martinis, $2 Domestic brews, $10 Buckets of Brews
Poor Paris. First being born into wealth beyond most of our imagination, then the whole tape thing with her boyfriend, then there’s the whole jail thing and now her club is even denying her attachment to its walls, claiming that it’s inspiration is more of a Paris, France, not a Paris Hilton. With enough pink trapped in its walls to make even Barbie want to puke, this fancy bootylicious fantasy world is located in our plush little paradise of the Jacksonville Landing, coming equipped with a strict dress code, great drink specials and even a teen night. John Henderson of the Jacksonville Jaguars hosts the Jazzy Thursdays with DJ Q45 spinning top 40 all night with 40,000 watts of sound pumping through your going-to-hating-life-tomorrow physique. The weekends are fun too with the Friday “Ladies Night” with rotating DJs, and don’t forget about Saturdays, KISS FM 97.9 broadcasts live from the club bringing some hip DJs and hot drink specials. –Christina Wagner
Address or Directions: 8206 Philips Hwy (corner of Baymeadows and Philips)
Type of Place: Nightclub that thinks it’s the China Room
Serving: Full liquor, wine, and bottled beers
Amenities: A door guy and a VIP room. Are those amenities?
Drink Specials: They are especially expensive
I think the Russian mob owns this place. I have to give it to them, projecting their logo up onto an elevated water tower is a brilliant way around the sign ordinance, and it looks so cool that I couldn’t wait to get inside. The enormous Bosnian in the double-brested suit at the door was not nearly as excited to let me in as I was to go. He didn’t tell me why, exactly, he just held his hand out in the stop gesture and looked around. Maybe it was the strange wire in his ear. Someone was feeding him secrets about me. They weren’t going to let me in. It’s because of Glasnost! Nope. At the height of my nervousness, as my eyes were looking from left to right repeatedly, they granted me entrance. Apparently it was a matter of my attire. My collared shirt looked a little too casual. I can see why they have to be so discriminate, the enormous inside had too much room to let in just any Tom, Dick or Borus. But after I spent $6 on a weak cocktail, my excitement deflated. It does have fancy couches that are awkward to sit in and you can gawk at the people in the VIP section, which is only separated from the regular section by another bouncer in a suit and a rope. And the DJ sucks, but techno-pop has never really been my thing. –Johnny St. Thomas
Address or Directions: 845 University Blvd. North
Type of Place: Nightclub and sometimes Live Music Venue
Serving: Full Liquor and Brews that make the nerd you’re dancing with look like Jesse Metcalf
Amenities: Serving up sweet sounds you can bump and grind to.
Drink Specials: You’re special enough!
If you haven’t heard of Plush, you are probably too young or too square to be going there in the first place. Everybody’s been there at least one time in their bar-hopping lives to either catch a show or to indulge in the always wildly entertaining people-watching spectacular that is Plush on Fridays and Saturdays. It’s fun and I recommend anyone out there with a sense of humor to participate; it’s my personal guilty pleasure. I stake them out like the late Steve Irwin lurks on crocodiles. First you have the always amusing slicked-back moron with enough cologne to actually permeate the entire club, then there’s the slutty girl from Oklahoma here for college wearing an outfit that would make Lil Kim blush, and finally there’s the always amusing clueless-dancing-guy. You know which one I’m talking about, the guy who makes the Star Wars Internet guy look suave. If you are one of these people, get a clue. If not, join me one night and experience the world’s ninth wonder that is Plush. –Christina Wagner
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EU Critic’s Choice Awards
