by kellie abrahamson kabrahamson1@aol.com
F Rated R 108 min.
Unwatchable. That’s really the only word that comes to mind when I think of Illegal Tender, a mess of a gangster flick that was, for reasons beyond comprehension, miraculously saved from a bargain-bin, straight-to-video release. The film is now in theaters, though I suspect not for long.
Wilson DeLeon Jr. (Rick Gonzalez) is a bright college student living in an affluent Connecticut suburb with his mother, Millie (Wanda De Jesus) and little brother Randy (Antonio Ortiz). With a beautiful girlfriend (Dania Ramirez) and a 4.0 in school, Wilson seems to be on the fast-track to success. But, when Millie spots an old acquaintance from her past and immediately begins packing, Wilson begins to think his perfect life has some imperfect roots. He’s right.
Twenty-one years earlier, Wilson Sr. (Manny Perez) is awaiting the birth of his son. A street boss for drug-dealing gangsters, Wilson is searching for a way out of the mob life and finds it at the wrong end of a gun. Millie gives birth to their son, never truly knowing why her husband was killed or why the gangsters are intent on coming after her and her newborn baby. She vows to protect her child and goes on the run, fleeing whenever another wave of violence rushes her way.
Discovering his parents’ past, a now grown Wilson Jr. is ready to take over as family protector and he wants answers. To get them, he must travel to Puerto Rico and come face-to-face with Javier Cordero (Gary Perez), the man who killed his father and has terrorized his mother for the past 20 years.
When laid out like I just did, the plot doesn’t seem half bad. It almost sounds like it could be a pretty good movie. One of the many problems with Illegal Tender is that too much is shown too soon. Instead of allowing the audience to feel a connection with the main character by employing flashbacks, so we get information at the same time he does, the viewer is shown everything in chronological order. By the time we’re in present day Connecticut, we know more about Wilson Jr.’s past than he does, making his slow investigation into his parents’ lives an annoyance to the audience. This misstep in the editing room paves the way for disaster and everything that can go wrong does go wrong in Illegal Tender.
As it stands, the story itself, like most of the characters, lacks common sense. Our leading man is a straight-laced college boy who, upon finding out about his father’s past and his family’s current threat, is handed a gun by his own mother and told to defend himself. It gets even sillier when the young man practices his shooting wearing an ultra-preppy light purple cardigan sweater.
We’re completely beaten over the head with the fact that this kid is not “gangsta” when he has his first shoot-out and his hands shake so much that it’s comical. He does, however, manage to miraculously injure one of the bloodthirsty hired assassins, putting an illogical end to the gun play as the other would-be killer drags her partner out of the house and into a car, leaving the mark alive and well. Bare in mind, this all takes place in a mini-mansion in a cushy Connecticut suburb where, apparently, no one calls the cops when gunshots are fired. Right. There are plenty of these ridiculous moments throughout Illegal Tender, far too many to recount in this review. Even the big plot twist, the whole reason for Cordero’s persistent bloodlust, is laughably bad. It’s a shame that the decent premise falls prey to incredibly sloppy story writing. Sadder still is that there’s even more to complain about!
While you may not remember seeing them, most of the actors in Illegal Tender have plenty of experience in Hollywood. I’ve see Rick Gonzalez in many supporting roles over the years and have never had a problem with his acting until now. Maybe he’s so awesomely terrible and wooden here because he’s not used to carrying a movie on his own. Or perhaps newbie writer/director Franc Reyes is to blame. I’m going with the latter.
With the notable exception of child actor Antonio Ortiz and reggaetonero-turned-actor Tego Calderon, none of the performances were any good. When they weren’t under-acting and flat, the actors were completely over-the-top and melodramatic, never anything in between. Wanda De Jesus especially falls victim to this, underwhelming the audience during talky scenes and then upping the camp factor a million fold during the action sequences. De Jesus’ performance is the only one that is so bad it’s good. The rest are just plain bad.
After seeing Illegal Tender, I am reminded of the last horrifically awful film I had the displeasure of seeing, the Lindsay Lohan yawner I Know Who Killed Me. Like Lohan’s loser, Illegal Tender has a decent enough premise but fails thanks to poor story writing and crappy acting. The difference is, I would watch I Know Who Killed Me again for the unintentionally funny camp factor. Illegal Tender simply does not have that. Fans of Tego Calderon will probably enjoy seeing his first time on the big screen and Wanda De Jesus will provide some laughs along the way, but this film isn’t worth the time or effort for anyone else.
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EU Critic’s Choice Awards
