HOME |
MUSIC EVENTS |
FAMILY EVENTS |
ART EVENTS
THEATRE |
MOVIES |
UPCOMING EVENTS
ARCHIVES |
ABOUT |
ADVERTISE |
CONTACT |
DISTRIBUTION
entertaining u newspaper: your monthly guide to entertainment
<<
Video Games
|
Main
|
Kids Sports
>>
|
|
|
by erin thursby
scopes1925@msn.com
What: Warren St. John, Talk & Book Signing
When: Friday September 28th @ 7:30 pm
Where: Barnes & Noble Booksellers on San Jose
The ESPN Guide to Psycho Fan Behavior is a book for any avid sports fan, whether they reach the levels of what the author calls “extreme allegiance” or not.
|
|
Warren St. John also authored Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer: A Road Trip into the Heart of Fan Mania. During the research for this book he discovered that his devotion to sports isn’t even close to those fans who would sacrifice everything just to be at the big game. One couple even missed their daughter’s wedding (they made it to the reception) in favor of a sporting event.
While there will be truly devoted (and demented) fans who pick up this book and use it as the ultimate guide to sports fandom, most people will just find it funny, or will recognize one or two behaviors in themselves and their fan buddies. Want to know how to avoid your bookie, or how to choose the perfect team for fantasy football? This book tells you how. Want to know the best way to streak a game, steal a team mascot, swipe a home-run ball or take down a goal post? St. John has you covered.
Each fan behavior is tagged with an icon, denoting whether the behavior will result in incarceration, injury or loss of wife (who may well pack her bags after being ignored during the season). My favorite icon is the Hannibal Lecter mask, indicating that the behavior may result in institutionalization.
The book kicks off with a timeline of historical and mythological events, framed in sports terms—“City of Troy adopts large wooden mascot and suffers horrible fate.” and “Bookies across Levant absorb huge losses when Goliath of Gath falls to David of the Israelites ‘All credit to the Big Guy,’ says David…”
Chapters cover what to wear and bring to games, including the ubiquitous foam finger, a road flare, cell phone (for gloating to friends when your team scores) and lucky underwear. Regarding the lucky underwear, St. John says “What your spouse calls ‘biohazard-level funk’ you call years of positive karma.” There’s even a section on which body paint to choose. (Hint: the truly devoted don’t wear water-based paints.) One chapter talks about the inverse relationship between clothes and the weather. A true fan strips off his shirt at games in sub zero temperature and bundles up in a parka when the temperature hits 100 degrees. The more you suffer, the more devoted you are to your team. You might not be able to play, but your suffering might help them win.
There’s also a handy chart indicating when it’s acceptable to wear that replica jersey. Apparently it’s okay to wear (but only if authentic) to an acquaintance’s funeral, but unacceptable at your mom’s funeral. Who knew?
I enjoyed the Psycho Fan Hall of Fame pages scattered throughout the book, giving ink to those truly hard-core fans who have gone above and beyond the call of duty, like the judge who opened a first-degree manslaughter sentencing in the death of a local man by ordering everyone in her courtroom to yell, “Go Seahawks!” or a man who got a Chicago Bears player to sign his skin and then ran to local tattoo parlor for a more permanent remembrance, by having the artist etch a tattoo over the ink.
A few pages lightly cover superstitions and concentrate on the correct way to pray effectively for your team. “Don’t be afraid to pray for a miracle.” the book coaches, while cautioning that prayer loses its effectiveness if you pray for every play.
In chapter five, ‘Love, Work and Other Hindrances,’ the author addresses how to skip christenings, avoid wives and dodge responsibility in favor of watching the game. A number of outrageous lies are suggested (pretending to work for the government, pretending to work with disabled kids) as well as exit strategies. This chapter takes the sports fan through life-changes, giving tips on the perfect half-time proposal and on how to raise your kid so that he roots for the right team. Later in the book, there’s a page on fan funerals, with suggestions on a what a true fan would plan for a funeral. The fair-weather fan will have a logo on their casket; the hard core fan would have a friend spread their ashes on the field (during a game); the psycho fan? well, he’d have “his ashes mixed with the team’s Gatorade so he can really ‘get into the game for once.’”
Most of us might not reach the level of dedication that the psycho fan does, but we can always laugh at the behavior and recognize some of it in ourselves. It’s definitely a book I’ll be getting for my Dad. Get it signed by the author this month on the 28th at 7:30 pm at the Mandarin Barnes & Noble.
|
|
EU Critic’s Choice Awards
