by brenton crozier
The Internet can be an incredibly effective tool for disseminating important information and educational material, but mostly it is a portal for porn and a terrific source for useless and time-wasting office humor. How many times have you heard, “Hey man, have you seen the video of that dog humping that fat chick’s leg?” I normally opt for the time-wasting office humor and often stumble on incredibly random and worthless websites made by lonely, disillusioned, inadvertently funny, and sometimes incredibly clever people. I would like to share some of my findings with you.
Woot is an online store and “community” that epitomizes a website with a niche. Like many great websites, I found out about this one from an employee who was enjoying it while on the clock. Woot features only one product a day. The product is listed for either 24 hours, or until it is sold out. Products are often nifty electronic items that range from high-definition television sets to atomic outdoor wall clocks. Although the concept of featuring only one item a day is intriguing, it is the product descriptions and loyal Woot bloggers that make a visit worth it.
Today’s featured item is a laptop computer. The product’s description is written in the vernacular of a drill sergeant berating his troops. After an introduction of demoralizing insults and challenges, the description goes on to read, “You think you’re ready for the Lenovo 3000 N Series Core Duo T2350 NoteBook? You think a pack of booger-eating genetic defectives like you could handle the Intel Core Duo processor, 120GB hard drive, and 1GB DDR2 RAM? Don’t make me laugh!”
This description is par for the course along with hilarious musings throughout the site. Be sure to read the “What Is Woot” section that endures with self-deprecating tidbits such as “We anticipate profitability by 2043,” along with not so warm and cozy assurances such as “If you buy something you don’t end up liking or you have what marketing people call ‘buyer’s remorse,’ sell it on eBay.”
Whether you are looking for a good deal or a couple of laughs, Woot is worth a daily visit. Don’t forget to check out the blogs, and if you’re feeling like a pimp, join the Woot community, then brush your shoulders off.
I’m a huge fan of the youthful Elvis Presley who dressed well, made soul numbers into Rock-n-Roll, and gyrated in such a way that detonated the libido of teenagers everywhere. Fat Elvis is another story. I have a soft spot for the overweight, rhinestone wearing, kung fu kicking, Las Vegas loving teddy bear who popularized the culinary masterpiece of fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. The “soft spot” to which I refer is a completely kitsch one. That kitsch spot that propels my wallet-hand to react every time I spot a velvet Elvis painting, and even worse, that kitsch spot that drives my adoration for Elvis impersonators.
There are a wide range of Elvis impersonators, from your normal garden-variety white men with labor-intensive day jobs to Latino and midget Elvis impersonators. I wanted the real deal, so I opened Google and merely typed Black Elvis. To my delight, Mr. Bibby Simmons, “The Black Elvis,” was the first site to appear.
I don’t want to ruin the introduction for you, but let’s just say, bright lights and a little Strauss kick off the visit properly. Mr. Simmons’ site is a must for fans of Elvis or kitsch anything. He proudly displays his numerous awards, including a trophy inscribed “World’s No. 1 Black Elvis.” There isn’t a lot of content on the site, but each piece is a gem and Bibby is earnest about his work and claims, “This is the one Elvis show you won’t soon forget.” Be sure to turn up the volume on your computer, as each page features a different song performed by the irresistible and soulful Mr. Simmons. Looking to book entertainment for your next party or event? Make it Black Elvis time. I don’t have any events worthy of The Black Elvis coming up, but I made the homepage picture of him sporting the famed jumpsuit and a sweet Jheri curl my desktop wallpaper. Rock on Black Elvis, rock on.
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EU Critic’s Choice Awards
