by christina wagner
It’s 7:30 pm. I’m slightly buzzed from my now ten-year-old nephew’s birthday party and can’t escape the amplified voice bouncing all over the walls of Mandarin Skate Station, never mind the ones inside my dehydrated skull.
My friend Alexis was nice enough to try to explain the basics of Roller Derby, but it’s my first bout and I am completely lost. I copped a squat in the section lovingly known as “suicide seating” as I attempted to soak in as much knowledge as my eyes would allow. I gather that the girls with stars on their helmets are the ones that score and the rest are kinda like running backs and line backers. Bottom line? Cute tattooed girls beating the shit out of each other. What more do you want?
Our New Jax City Rollers were battling the Florida Rollergirls from Orlando in the last bout of the season, a highly anticipated rematch. There’s 2:23 on the clock and the score reads: Us 48, Them 17. I’m assuming that’s a good thing.
On with the music. During what appears to be a semi-halftime, the Jacksonville Beach rock dudes The Kings of Hell, “bring it” with some vintage hellbilly tunes. With a couple of new members, the boys have never sounded better. It’s amazing the difference a good drummer makes, as the guys were actually dedicated to a steady beat instead of all over the place as in prior shows I have witnessed.
I snuck outside to score a couple of Patron shots, when a goddess suddenly appeared before me. Alexis presented treasure in the shape of a jiffy cup, lid and straw in one hand, and a delicious cold tall boy in the other. So this is how the regulars pull it off. I cracked it open, filled ‘er up and made my way back inside. If you’ve never tried drinking beer out of a straw, I strongly encourage it. It’s kinda like a stranger, but with beer.
I then realize I’m supposed to be working, regain my composure and push my way through to witness our girls slipping away from the lead. A couple of close calls and battle wounds later, Orlando inched their way to the top and were aggressively holding onto it. A New Jax City Roller named Michelle pushed through the pack, face blazing red, eyes determined and skating strong, but she was too late. The buzzer blared. Match over. Orlando won.
This bout meant a lot to our girls, not only because it was the last game of the season, but apparently there were some really foul calls made by the refs at the Orlando game last week. This was also Michelle’s last game with the Jax City Rollers, as she’s heading up to Carolina in a week.
The Roller Derby Girl revival sprouted from Austin, Texas and recently regained national recognition with help from the A&E cable channel. Although not completely accredited, our girls are working hard on getting “legit.”
I sat down outside with Alexis for a few questions while the girls gathered their things and headed out to the bar where we were all meeting up. I asked Alexis why she got involved with the Derby Girls.
“A friend of a friend introduced me to a girl that played and it was something that I was extremely interested in, being that it was a full-contact sport with a bunch of girls that were pretty much like normal girls. It’s fun. Tim Conners was the one who introduced me to Joanne Capps. Joanne actually was sitting in a bar with ‘Dickie Murder’ Dawn and they were starting a Roller Derby League, however it was already in the works when they got involved with it.”
Highlights of involvement with the league include getting a good workout and being able the “beat the hell out of people without going to jail for it.” Sounds like a party to me, where do I sign up? By the way, I actually DID meet with “el capitan” herself and am in the works of becoming a roller gal myself. Finally I’ll get that doctor’s note to excuse my famously tardy articles. My editor is NOT laughing at this. Seacrest out!
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