by debbie ricks
To say we live in a looks-driven society is an understatement. Quite honestly, it’s stated so much it’s cliché. Many women identify themselves through body parts. Hair and cleavage being on the list. When Brittany Spears shaved off all her hair, we gasped and gossiped about how unattractive it was. Breast implants are so commonplace they can be financed. Now, suddenly faced with breast cancer, a woman stands to loose two of the very things that are the most feminine parts of her: her hair and her breasts. It’s hard enough for a healthy woman to maintain good self-esteem. So in a looks-driven society, how does a breast cancer patient survive the loss?
Ingrid Kicklighter is upbeat. She hasn’t thought twice about her decision to have a mastectomy. She recalls a doctor’s visit. She was visiting her new primary care physician for the first time. Kicklighter warned the doctor about her mastectomy. Then she did something she says most mastectomy recipients wouldn’t do. Instead of turning her back to the doctor, she stripped off her gown right square in front of her.
Kicklighter attributes some of her confidence to her husband. He put it in perspective for her.
“It’s just a boob,” he told her.
Post mastectomy research shows that having a breast removed is psychologically excruciating. Feelings of un-wholeness haunt most patients. They feel less sexually attractive. However, in 2006 The Cleveland Clinic Foundation conducted a study of 218 women.
“Because of the value our society places on breast in terms of sexual attractiveness, loss of a breast through mastectomy was believed to be more psychologically devastating than most other kinds of cancer treatments.”
Surprisingly they found that only twenty percent of the women screened reported body image issues. The key to finding self esteem again is to return to some sense of normalcy. The researchers concluded that the women who had reconstructive surgery after their mastectomy were less like likely to have body image issues.
“The doctor’s jaw dropped. She could scarcely believe I had a mastectomy,” said Kicklighter.
She was lucky. The plastic surgeon did a beautiful job. In 1956 her mother had breast cancer and the doctors butchered her, according to Kicklighter. Implants were not an option. Afterward she stuffed her bra, which looked fine in most situations, but when she wore a bathing suit it was obvious. Nowadays, with post mastectomy clothing you can’t tell. Her mother’s experience didn’t stop her from making her decision to have a mastectomy.
“You got to do it for yourself. For your kids. Teach your kids you are a survivor.”
If an implant is not an option, getting fitted for a prosthesis can be an alternative.
“It will make you feel better,” says Susan Loosberg, from The Pink Door, a post mastectomy lingerie shop in Palatka. “A woman has to take care of herself.”
She tries to make the shopping experience pleasant. She services customers from Putnam, St Johns, Duval and Clay counties. (Visit pinkdoor.org for more information on post mastectomy clothing.)
“Women come in thinking ‘oh geez, I have to wear my grandma’s bra.’ This is not your grandma’s bra anymore.”
A wig is the obvious choice for hair loss. Not everyone has the courage of Mellissa Ethridge. Wig technology and styles have advanced, and the right wig can look flawless. Brandi’s wigs and Boutique on 103rd Street has been in business for twenty-five years. She caters to cancer patients.
“They come in at a low point. The hair loss is more traumatic than the treatment,” Brandi says.
A woman’s hair is her crown and glory. She cares for it, curls it straightens it, colors it. Wears it up one day, down the next. It is the first thing she sees in the mirror in the morning. Then suddenly it’s gone.
“Hair is very obvious.” Brandi explains.
People see them as victims, most do not want to be seen that way. When someone going through chemotherapy comes into her shop, they are seeking something far more important than the wig itself. Brandi does not just sell wigs; she gives back self esteem.
“They feel attractive again. More like a woman again.”
In an excerpt from the book Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy, the Author Gerralyn Lucas writes, “If I were awake I would tell them how proud I am that I decided to cut off my breast to hopefully save my life. If I were awake I would tell them that I know I will still be a woman.” Earlier in the excerpt she clings to the last thing she feels still makes her feminine: her lipstick. It becomes her “war paint.”
However the biggest self-esteem builder is friends, family and a good support group. There is no shortage of support groups in Jacksonville. Surrounding oneself with positive energy is the best thing anyone can do.
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