by brenton crozier
It makes me feel a bit pompous to even present certain sites like they are going to be a discovery for you, but I’m comfortable with that because I am a bit pompous. With that aside, it amazes me at times when I make high-brow, hilarious Onion references and only receive a blank stare in return. “You know, the Onion?” Geeze! Can I introduce you to this handy search engine, Google? Enough trying to make the great unwashed feel badly about their daily web surfing deficiencies—let’s get down to business.
Now, you can make the references and deliver the cutting edge commentary at your next shindig. Go, and be snide with confidence.
Craig is the ultimate pusher man of Internet classifieds. From used furniture and instruments to services and personal ads, it is all here in this vast virtual flea market. With so much traffic, myriad postings and a put-just-about-anything-you-want-on-our-site approach, you know there are a multitude of interesting tidbits just waiting to be discovered.
Postings that make the “Best of Craig’s List” are nominated by readers and, as the site states, may be “explicitly sexual, scatological, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny.” New additions are made every couple of days and there are hundreds upon hundreds for you to enjoy during a little downtime at work—or at home (if my boss is reading this).
Most people use this beneficial website to sell the things they no longer want or need (like 3 seat sky blue sofa with only 2 cigarette burns) or reach out to others of like mindedness, but there is a certain segment that sees the site as their soapbox. The rants dominate the “Best Of” list and there is good reason . . . they are good-time hilarious!
A posting that caught my eye was one from Houston dated October 22nd, 2007. This poster has had enough with parents who do not exhibit proper school-dropoff etiquette, although you would think that most of what the post has to say “would be self-evident behavior.” Basically, the entertaining tirade (cleaned up for my adoring EU readers) states: get off your darn cell phones, stop prepping your “$6.50 cup cream-moch-latte-whateverthefitis,” and don’t dress your kid in the car because “most of us dress our kids at home.” It goes on with a special message for a couple of niche groups. The first is to “Snoop-Dog.” The poster asks the individual driving the “1987 Corolla with the snap-on hubcap spinners” to not defiantly get out of their car everyday to let their kid out. And lastly, a little love is given to stay-at-home moms. “Do you have to talk to every other stay-at-home mom?” “You just talked to her yesterday when you held us all up.”
This is an ocean of humorous rhetoric, but fish carefully, because some postings are simply not funny and some are quite uncouth. A couple of my favorite headlines read, “To the gentleman who called me a depreciating asset” and “Notes on flirting while bowling.” Enjoy!
I saved less room to discuss the brilliance of The Onion because it really should speak for itself. I’m an obsessed fan of this group of humorists and feel it my mission to share it with you. If you travel to New York City, you will see The Onion newspaper available. Down here in Jacksonville, well you can subscribe, purchase their compilation books or simply soak it in online.
The Onion has dubbed themselves “America’s Finest News Source.” Although this is satire at its finest, that moniker may not be far from the truth with the absurdity of our media and their sometimes sensationalist headlines and often trivial topics of newsworthy connation. The site offers the full range of stories, from breaking news and politics to sports and opinion. The current headline story is “Lone Gunman Envied by Married Gunman.”
You will appreciate The Onion because they have no agenda, don’t care about making a point and they go after everything—nothing is too sacred or irreverent for these writers. A recent news headline read, “Underfunded Schools Forced to Cut Past Tense From Language Programs.”
I look at The Onion daily—and laugh during every visit. Even if stories have not been updated, you can search their archives to find a story on just about anything.
Enjoy these sites that should become staples of your web browsing. Always funny, assuredly biting and quite often brilliant, the best of Craig’s List and The Onion are worthy of your sacred Favorites folder.
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