by rick grant rickgrant01@comcast.net
D Rated PG-13 84 min
Cedric the Entertainer is a funny guy, but not in this movie. Cedric plays Jake, an unassuming regular guy, who suddenly wakes up in a hotel room after being hit on the head. There is a dead FBI agent in the bed with him, and he doesn’t remember anything.
Thus begins Jake’s adventures as a janitor turned secret agent. He does encounter two drop dead gorgeous women–Lucy Liu as Gina–a real FBI undercover agent, and Nicolette Sheridan as Diane, one of the conspirators to grab a special chip from Jake that is, for all intents and purposes, a regular gaming chip. However, hidden inside is a secret chip that can break the most sophisticated encryption codes. It allows terrorists or rogue governments to gain access to our most sensitive and top secret computer files.
This flaccid comedy was written by Robert Adetuyl and George Gallo and directed by Les Mayfield with enough unfunny black holes to suck up all of Hollywood into their vortices. Cedric has very few funny lines and he must rely on his physical comedy to make the scenes work. Alas, his best efforts fall short of saving the movie from its poor script. Much of Cedric’s scenes are based on his video game playing experiences, whereby he pretends to be a kung fu champion, making all the faux Bruce Lee moves. This gets old fast, as Cedric runs out of karate moves and then makes faces. “Please, end this torture,” I thought.
In Jake’s new world of intrigue, he can’t remember if he is a janitor or a CIA agent playing a janitor to gain access to the super secret chip. Now a gaggle of bad guys and one sexy woman are after him and he can’t trust anyone. His pursuers are convinced that Jake is a CIA agent who was posing as a janitor to accomplish his mission.
Jake’s predicament is exacerbated by his faulty memory. So he goes with the notion that he is really a CIA agent. He has flashbacks of his “combat” roles, and flashes of taking out bad guys. So, this gives him a false sense of bravery, when in fact, the only thing he can fling around is a mop. But, Jake refuses to believe he is a lowly janitor. After all, he is associated with two beautiful women who seem to know and love him. Diane (Sheridan) claims he is her husband and he lives in a mansion.
Of course, it’s a great job if he can keep it. But, then he meets a waitress named Gina (Liu) who claims to be his mistress. Wow, how lucky can a janitor get? The down side is, a cadre of bad FBI agents, greedy chip makers, and assorted hitmen are hot on his trail. Finally, Gina tells him she is an FBI Agent and will try to protect him. Surprisingly, Jake has a few amateur moves of his own that just might work. By half way through the movie, the viewer realizes that the laughs are sparse. The few yuks that happen are the result of low level humor–slapstick and prat falls–cheap laughs.
The usual suspects are to blame for this tanker–the script, the script, and the script. The tedium sets in about a quarter of the way into the story. Liu and Sheridan do what they can to sex up the scenes with their femme fatale charms. In one scene, Sheridan enters a room practically naked to entice Jake into sex, which, for guys, may be worth seeing the movie to ogle. But, opening a Penthouse Magazine would do just as well. Still, Sheridan’s skimpy undies can’t save this picture. One wonders how schlock like this gets greenlighted.
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