MADONNA BUYS AFRICAN BABY AS SOUVENIR
A senior Malawian government official dismissing remarks made by Yohane Banda, the father of the 13-month-old boy being adopted by Madonna, and asserting the man knew exactly what he was getting into when he signed his son over to the star, despite his statements that he was misled. Didn’t he know that the latest fad among celebrities is adopting an African baby.
STILL THE KING
Elvis Presley dropped to number two on Forbes.com’s annual list of top-earning dead celebrities. Kurt Cobain knocked the King from his throne to take the number one spot. From the other side, Elvis said, “Yeah, but he looks terrible in a jump suit and that huge hole in his head doesn’t look too hot.”
SEX, LIES, AND LITIGATION
Heather Mills McCartney planned to sue Britain’s Daily Mail and Evening Standard for printing “false, damaging and immensely upsetting” statements about her divorce battle with Paul McCartney, her lawyers said Tuesday. Ah, poor baby can’t be content with a large chunk of Paul’s fortune she will no doubt end up stealing.
NAME BLAME GAME
A copy of the birth certificate for the latest addition to the rich white trash Spears-Federline clan reveals the baby boy’s name is actually Jayden James Federline, not Sutton Pierce, as originally reported. Name that buffoon Spears’ little helper.
AND BABY MAKES THREE FOR THE ALTER
After a wait almost as agonizing as the countdown to Suri’s first public pictures, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have finally set a date to swap “I do’s,” Cruise’s rep, Arnold Robinson, confirmed to E! News. The couple are planning to wed Nov. 18 in Italy. Cue paparazzi hordes!
CRUISE CONTROL
Tom Cruise reportedly is eyeing three film projects, per Daily Variety: indie film Lions for Lambs, about a platoon of U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan; The Ha-Ha, about a Gulf War vet who takes custody of a nine-year-old boy; and Selling Time, about a man who sells chunks of his life in order to go back and relive his worst day. If Cruise takes on one of the projects, it will mark his first role since parting ways with Paramount August 2006.
BUSTA BUSTED BUT NOT CHARGED
A judge ruled that prosecutors can not charge Busta Rhymes with possession of a weapon that was found in his car following his arrest on assault charges. The weapon in question—a machete—was discovered in the rear seat pocket of an SUV after Rhymes allegedly attacked a man for spitting on his car. The rapper is due back in court Dec. 11.
RUMBLE IN THE NAIL SALON
Foxy Brown sentenced to three years’ probation Tuesday over a fight with nail salon employees, finally ending a case that dragged on for more than two years. The rapper attempted to withdraw her guilty plea, but a judge held firm.
BEGGING FOR TROUBLE
EMI’s Parlaphone label is now accepting music files online from aspiring artists via new software that allows hopefuls to upload their demos and publicity photos directly to an online portal, rather than clogging employees’ email in-boxes. Yeah, never has a delete button been used so much.
STEFANI ON DVD
Gwen Stefani released her second solo album on Dec. 5, along with a live concert DVD, Harajuku Lovers Live, filmed during shows in her hometown of Anaheim, California.
THE BIG BANGER
Queen guitarist Brian May coauthored a book on the history of the universe, appropriately titled Bang! The Complete History of the Universe. The rocker, once a doctoral candidate in astronomy, abandoned his studies in the ‘70s to play music. Now, maybe he needs the gig.
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