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seen. heard. noted. and quoted.
SO LONG TO A MASTER FILMMAKER
      Robert Altman, the creative force behind such films as M*A*S*H, The Player and Gosford Park, died Monday at a Los Angeles hospital, his production company said. He was 81. The cause of death was not immediately released. Altman was nominated for five Academy Awards in the Best Director category and received a Lifetime Achievement Oscar earlier this year.


CAREER SUICIDE
      ”I lost my temper onstage...I’m really busted up over this, and I’m very, very sorry to those people in the audience—the blacks, the Hispanics, the whites—everyone that was there that took the brunt of that anger and hate and rage and how it came through. And I’m concerned about more hate and more rage and more anger coming through.” Michael Richards, a.k.a. Cosmo Kramer, apologized during an appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman for unleashing a tirade of racial slurs after being heckled during a performance Friday at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. Richards should call Mel Gibson for advice. All he can do now is beg for forgiveness. But it’s probably too late. He’s done!


FRAT BOYS’ REVENGE
      Borat’s ready for battle. The film’s producers and 20th Century Fox filing an opposition to a request for a preliminary injunction sought by two University of South Carolina frat boys, who were concerned over their loutish portrayal in the film and want it shut down. Fox and the producers are contesting the boys’ claims that they were drunk when they signed the content forms and state in a declaration that all participants were “very enthusiastic” about their role. At least until they saw the movie. Sorry is as sorry does. Grow up you idiots.


KATIE CRIES: IS THE HONEYMOON OVER YET?
      Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes arrived in the Maldives for their honeymoon, a government official confirmed to the AP Tuesday, saying their exact location was “very, very secret.” A local journalist said he heard the couple was staying on a yacht, while a tourism official said there was a rush for bookings at an underwater restaurant after a rumor surfaced the couple would be dining there. Looks like TomKat could use some lessons from their daughter on keeping a low profile.


TAKE THIS HOBBIT AND SHOVE IT
      Peter Jackson announced that he will not be directing The Hobbit, a prequel to the Lord of the Rings trilogy, due to an ongoing financial dispute with New Line Cinema. Jackson explained the decision in a posting to fan-site TheOneRing.net: “This outcome is not what we anticipated or wanted, but neither do we see any positive value in bitterness or rancor. We now have no choice but to let the idea of a film of The Hobbit go and move forward with other projects.”


ANOTHER HONOR FOR A MASTER
      Steven Spielberg was honored for his contributions to the small screen at Monday’s International Emmy Awards, where he received the International Academy of Television Arts & Sciences’ Founders Award.


GAYDAR REALITY SHOW
      Lifetime is ordering 18 episodes of a dating show called Gay, Straight or Taken? in which single women will be introduced to three men: one gay, one in a relationship and one single and ready to mingle. If the contestant can correctly identify the available man, she wins an exotic trip for two with him; if she fails, the man she chooses incorrectly takes the trip for himself. If he shows up wearing a perfectly matched and tailored outfit, then he’s gay.


MEANEST CUT
      In a rare move, France’s culture minister Renaud Donnedieu de Vabres banned minors under the age of 18 from seeing Saw III after he previewed the latest flick in the horror franchise. The film opens this week in France. Teenagers immediately protested by chopping up a Vabres replica doll.


NO WAY, O.J.
      Fox and its parent company News Corp. elected not to air the O.J. Simpson special If I Did It and canceled the publication of the accompanying book. The special had been scheduled to air Nov. 27 and 29 and was set to feature Simpson discussing his “hypothetical” role in the 1994 slayings of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. The book was due in stores Nov. 30. It was the worst idea in the history of publishing. O.J. should keep a low profile or someone is going to take him out.

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