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seen. heard. noted. and quoted.
Money for Nothing and the Boys for Free

      Michael Jackson postponed his appearance at a Tokyo Christmas event on Dec. 19 until March 8, so that he could add an additional date to meet fans on the day following the event, organizers said. Tickets for the Premium VIP Party, where fans will have the chance to meet Jackson and pose for a photo with him, are selling for the bargain price of $3,428. The self-styled King of Pop will not perform at the event. Incredibly, Michael is still under the delusion that he is marketable. Get real!


Britney Crowned Worst Dog Owner

      Britney Spears topped an online poll of readers of New York Dog and Hollywood Dog magazines as the Worst Celebrity Dog Owner of 2006, a title that may be somewhat inaccurate since, according to her estranged husband, Kevin Federline, the pop star no longer has any dogs. “We gave all the dogs to friends of ours…it just really wasn’t working,” Federline told Teen People in September, before the couple split. In contrast, Oprah Winfrey was voted the Best Celebrity Dog Owner. Britney’s status as a shedevil is now confirmed.


Limo Driver Shake Down

      Immigration officials issued a warrant to detain Yoko Ono’s driver, currently jailed on $250,000 bail on charges of trying to blackmail her, while they decide if the Turkish native is in the country legally. Koral Karsan was arrested Wednesday for allegedly trying to extort $2 million from the Beatle widow. Scumbag!


Michael Richards’ New Gal Pal

      Publisher Judith Regan allegedly made anti-Semitic remarks about a “Jewish cabal” against her in a heated phone conversation last week that supposedly led to her firing, a News Corp spokesman said. Regan’s attorney, Bert Fields denied the allegations and is planning a lawsuit against Harper Collins for breach of contract, per the New York Times. Regan’s illconceived book and interview with O.J.Simpson was enough to get her fired, never mind the anti-Semitic tirade.


No Anorexic Twits Allowed

      Milan banned underage and underweight models from its fashion week in February in an attempt to promote a healthier body image. Under the terms of the ban, only models 16 and over and with a body mass index of at least 18.5 will be allowed to strut the catwalk.


New Diet Guru

      Ruben Studdard agreed to serve as an inspiration coach for overweight Alabamians looking to shed some pounds. Studdard, who has dropped more than 100 pounds since starting his diet last summer, asked obese Alabama residents to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks. No one can call him lard-ass anymore.


Second Chance for Tara

      Donald Trump held a press conference Tuesday morning to discuss the fate of Miss USA Tara Conner, at which he announced that Conner would be allowed to keep her crown after agreeing to enter a rehab program. Trump claimed that many of the allegations about Conner’s behavioral issues and personal life were false and that the beauty queen deserves a second chance. The question is–what did Tara have to do to get Donald to change his mind? One can only imagine. Oh well, rehab should be fun!


The Pursuit of Box Office Bonanza

      Will Smith’s feel-good drama The Pursuit of Happyness topped the box office with an estimated $27 million in ticket sales. Sci-fi tale Eragon placed in second with $12.5 million and Charlotte’s Web placing third with $12 million.


Ex-Boy Band Member a Dancer?

      Former boy-bander Joey Fatone hoping to get in sync with Dancing with the Stars, he said during a radio interview last week. Probably a good idea, since it doesn’t look like Justin Timberlake is planning on an ‘N Sync reunion anytime in the near future. Hey, they are not boys anymore.


50 Cent not worth $10 Million

      50 Cent’s insurance company refused to cover the rapper for damages in a $10 million lawsuit stemming from a brawl that broke out during a radio interview with his G-Unit posse in Washington, D.C. last year.

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