by brenton crozier bdcrozier@gmail.com
It was important for me to be a good ambassador and make the small rabble of New England fans feel right at home during their visit to Alltel this weekend. I greeted the cantankerous Patriot faithful with a Southern scorched, “Patriots suck wicked bad!”
We’re a friendly lot here in the River City and wanted to make the extra effort to ensure the comfort of the Yankee transplants that braved the rain and rowdy Jaguar’s fans with a familiar vernacular; the infamous “wicked.” It is imperative to fully comprehend this bit of refined Northern verbiage to the fullest extent. In circles North of Newark, the word wicked is a multi-used adjective grouped together with an infinite bank of terms to form a universal idiom to convey one of two points: that something is good, great, cool, awesome, splendid, fantastic, hip, or exciting, or to add emphasis that something really, really sucks.
I bumped into Jaguar fans Amy Alvarez, Zachary Lewison, and James Davis. We discussed last minute Christmas shopping, a Jaguars playoff birth waiting under the tree from jolly St. Nick, the gloomy, yet ripe-for-football weather conditions, and the visceral dislike (hatred is just too nasty this time of year, even for Brady and the boys) we shared for New England’s beloved Patriots or “Pats” as a native New Englander would say because they just don’t have time for the “riot” part. I’ve heard the same goes for “thank you,” “you’re welcome,” and “hello, how are you.”
We were hoping that between the humidity, lack of Dunkin Donuts, deficit of discourtesy, and minuscule amount of Foxborough Faithful, that the Jaguars would be able to pick apart the esteemed Super Bowl regulars.
I quizzed my new friends about their knowledge of the language abuse going on in New England. When asked whatever in the world “wicked pissa” could mean, Zachary quickly answered that “It means fierce.” You see my New Englander friends, we are a cultured and educated bunch here in Jacksonville; we’ve learned of your ways and customs. I then asked the group to use “wicked” in a sentence. Zachary volunteered, “We don’t think that Tom Brady is wicked awesome.” They were getting the hang of it, and James Davis took it up a notch with “Maurice Jones-Drew is wicked awesome.” There could not be a more appropriate use of wicked, my friend. Stick that feather in your cap, snowbirds, and call it whatever kind of pasta you want.
Sadly, this was the Jaguar’s last home stand of the 2006 season. Even more heartbreaking was the appalling call at the end of the game that has nearly erased Jacksonville’s hope of a playoff appearance. It was a good run; you could even say it was a wicked good season. There is still a glimmer of hope for the Jaguars, a tiny, dull glimmer. Nevertheless, we will be rooting them on while they are playing their way through a tough Kansas City team. Thanks for the football fellowship, slurred analysis, smiling faces, and insightful quotes.
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